I've been warned that Monday's are severly emotional for people in ministry....not to mention for 25 year old girls!!
...'emotional' doesn't really even give justice to today. After a moring of crying and complaining about how things suck, and don't seem to be going my way, i decided not to go into the office today....i needed to work away from there, since my creative mind can't even function in that environment anyway. So i've been working all day at the cafe, and i've been quite productive actually, only stopping right now to write my thoughts.
...but let's rewind....in the midst of my crying, tony said something profound....'shelly, why don't you spend some time with God today'...so..i made an effort to do just that this morning.....after my crying a blubbering on the phone....i went and worked out....the whole time praying.....running seems to go by so much faster when you're yelling at God. It felt good to sweat....to scream (in my head of course)......
after the workout..i headed to the cafe to get some work done....and i had a minor set-back....but completely God provoked.....my laptop was not working....so i called my IT guy (lonnie) and he was going to come fix it......so while i waited..i realized....duh..this was God saying..."um..shelly, you said you would spend time with me......so i'm going to make your work wait...while you focus on me...."
...i'm reading 1 Samuel right now.....and before i moved here, i got a book for a gift....that i just now pulled out to read...it's called Chosen to be God's Prophet: Lessons from the Life of Samuel, with a sub-title "How God Works IN and THROUGH Those He Chooses. I know i've blogged before about the IN and THROUGH workings of God....and this book couldn't come at a better time for me....
...i'm feeling an overwhelming sense of spiritual warfare...and it took me a while today to step out of my self-pity and emotion...to realize that is what it is...i have felt my ministry struggling...my financial status struggling...my small group struggling....my relationships struggling....my sense of belonging struggling...my sense of direction unclear....and subsequently my time with God....non-existent......it dawned on me today..how much Satan wants me to fail..how much he wants this ministry to fail.....but it is more clear to me that God is victorious...He is in control..not Satan.....not me, even.
...i dove into Scriptures and prayed that God would teach me through the life of Samuel....
....on leadership: "When God shapes a servant, it will always affect an entire people of God....The degree to which you let God shape and mold you is the degree to which He will shape the entire people of God."
Henry Blackaby (from the book mentioned above)
...God forgive me, shape me, mold me...
...'emotional' doesn't really even give justice to today. After a moring of crying and complaining about how things suck, and don't seem to be going my way, i decided not to go into the office today....i needed to work away from there, since my creative mind can't even function in that environment anyway. So i've been working all day at the cafe, and i've been quite productive actually, only stopping right now to write my thoughts.
...but let's rewind....in the midst of my crying, tony said something profound....'shelly, why don't you spend some time with God today'...so..i made an effort to do just that this morning.....after my crying a blubbering on the phone....i went and worked out....the whole time praying.....running seems to go by so much faster when you're yelling at God. It felt good to sweat....to scream (in my head of course)......
after the workout..i headed to the cafe to get some work done....and i had a minor set-back....but completely God provoked.....my laptop was not working....so i called my IT guy (lonnie) and he was going to come fix it......so while i waited..i realized....duh..this was God saying..."um..shelly, you said you would spend time with me......so i'm going to make your work wait...while you focus on me...."
...i'm reading 1 Samuel right now.....and before i moved here, i got a book for a gift....that i just now pulled out to read...it's called Chosen to be God's Prophet: Lessons from the Life of Samuel, with a sub-title "How God Works IN and THROUGH Those He Chooses. I know i've blogged before about the IN and THROUGH workings of God....and this book couldn't come at a better time for me....
...i'm feeling an overwhelming sense of spiritual warfare...and it took me a while today to step out of my self-pity and emotion...to realize that is what it is...i have felt my ministry struggling...my financial status struggling...my small group struggling....my relationships struggling....my sense of belonging struggling...my sense of direction unclear....and subsequently my time with God....non-existent......it dawned on me today..how much Satan wants me to fail..how much he wants this ministry to fail.....but it is more clear to me that God is victorious...He is in control..not Satan.....not me, even.
...i dove into Scriptures and prayed that God would teach me through the life of Samuel....
....on leadership: "When God shapes a servant, it will always affect an entire people of God....The degree to which you let God shape and mold you is the degree to which He will shape the entire people of God."
Henry Blackaby (from the book mentioned above)
...God forgive me, shape me, mold me...